hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
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I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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