The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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