Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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