i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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