Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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