I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
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Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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