While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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