My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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