just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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