Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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