hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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