I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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