best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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