Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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