Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sobbing to NWA
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize