Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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