Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I pour the whiskey from now on
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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