her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I need to stop coming to work sober
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
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You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
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First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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