i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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