I'm jealous of your bromance
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize