I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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