Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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