My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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