My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize