Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm at about main and main street
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize