So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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