Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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