the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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