Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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