i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
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Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
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I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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