pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
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well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
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Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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