I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize