i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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