Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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