Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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