giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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