I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I touched a dick in church today
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize