remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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