Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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