Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
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Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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