you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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