i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize