He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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