Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize