Why does Corona taste like a burp?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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