So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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