I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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