I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
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airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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