we have officially lost it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
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Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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