i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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